Cyber Bullying Hits Home.

As a chubby person, ok lets just say it fat, and not so good looking, I have been used to being picked on as a kid and maybe every now and then in High School, its nothing new to me. However, at almost 34 I never thought it would happen again, and for the pettiest of reasons, by grown women younger and older than I.

I can understand kids to some extent, some don't know any better, some get it from their parents or other family members, but when this type of harassment comes from adults it just baffles me. Especially when I look at the reason.  I have a guy friend. We have been friends for a couple of years. Our friendship has blossomed  to the point that he has become very close and I consider him almost as family, for me its very hard to open up to people, and there is only one other person I feel like this about, she know who she is (Hi Chiflis!). Its just that, a friendship, him and I have never crossed any lines don't have any hidden agendas, it is a pure platonic relationship. I know it is hard for people to believe and maybe understand that, but that's just how it is and this post is  not about explaining it so that will be the extent of it.

At the beginning everything was fine, gradually I started noticing request from various people (women), I was wondering why the sudden interest in reading my craziness. Eventually I realized the reason. These were women that were also friends of my friend. Still I didn't pay much attention to it, then I noticed that rarely did these people interact with me. So I figured, these were women that potentially were interested in my friend. We took at as a joke, I mean it was pretty harmless.

That started to change, at first it was by comments that were obviously intended for me some were said to me directly some weren't, still I paid no mind. Like I have told my friend, I take it as a compliment, these women which I think are very attractive consider me a potential threat to their possibilities of being with him. I started blocking and doing away with them, I wasn't going to take their stalking so they can use that against me any longer. Left a few behind because they had never really done anything.

Then suddenly, I started getting emails, private messages etc. I will not disclose what they said nor from whom, I will not give those people anymore attention, they do not deserve it. I will say that they were hurtful, to the point that some of them made me cry and at some points doubt my friend. I knew these ladies, if you can call them that, were trying to fill my head with doubts about his intentions, and even his friendship. I knew they wanted to me to stay away from him, and I will not lie, at a point there were times I was going to, just walk away, send an email saying I couldn't be his friend anymore and just end all ties, was it really worth being harassed by these women? That's what I would ask myself over and over, and every time I had decided to stay away, something would happen that made me rethink the whole thing.

Over the past 2 months things got worse. The emails were almost daily, the messages as well, hurtful, sometimes so cruel, I was brought back to my childhood. It made me afraid for my daughter. Not because these people could do anything but because she is in elementary school, and although each day I wish for her to have a good day, I know that one day there will be that mean kid that says something to her, and if she doesn't know how to respond/react to him/her she will become their preferred target. If grown women are able to make another grown woman feel like a child, what will my kid feel like? As an adult, I took all the safe steps, my social media accounts are private, I only interact with people who have shown respect, and made away with those that haven't. Yet here I was facing cruel words and possibly even more. Who do you turn to when you  are 33 years old? Kids can turn to their parents for comfort and support, but when you are an adult?

So, yesterday I took a drastic step, I deleted all of the women, all of them, except those that haven't bothered me in any way or that I consider harmless. No longer will I be their amusement, nor allow them to fill my head with doubts. If my friend really turns out to be what they say, I will take the risk of learning that on my own, however to this day he hasn't done anything that would make me doubt his friendship, nor do I think I should be reminded of my not so good looks.

I believe these women, will read this, it is in their hearts to know every step of my life, they will try to somehow keep tabs etc. Well, all I can say to them is get a life. A real one, get off of your computer, phone, tablet etc. and go out there, live life. Leave me alone. I am no threat to you, your own insecurities are. Get over them.

After experiencing this I am more motivated to speak to my child, to have her embrace herself so that when people do try to bring her down, she loves herself enough to know that people only say hurtful things because they are not happy with who they are, what they look like. I hope I can do this, to me my daughter is beautiful and smart, but of course I am her mother, there will be people that will not think this, and we will be ready for them.

There is no "right" way...

Lately, I have seen many people, on the different social sites, criticizing, anything from gun control to someones parenting style. I am usually neutral, I have my beliefs and opinions yet instead of trying to impose them on someone else, or force them to it them my way, I express them and that's it. I mean we already have many wars going on for the same reason, the last thing I need is one on my social sites. The ones that usually bother me to some degree are the ones where people, basically harass and even challenge someone else's capacity as a parent, just because they aren't doing it "their way". From diapering to disciplining, it just annoys the hell out of me. Let me tell you why.

Most of these people I see doing  this, their kids, are well that, kids. So who's to say, 10-15yrs from now these "perfect parenting" wont have some anti-social, non productive, parasite of society in their hands? Wouldn't it be ironic, that the parents they so much criticized have strong, independent, productive members of society? THAT'S my reason. because we don't know what works for others. You don't know my kid, her issues, her struggles etc. I have, up till now, had the privilege of never having to use corporal discipline AKA spanking. I was raised that way and although, I did, if I say so myself not only turn out fine, but a very productive member of today's society. I work, put food on my table, never been in trouble with the law, and well even save lives once in a while. However, I don't think my child has reached a point where it is needed. I am not going t o say I will never spank my kid, I don't know, I don't know if 5 yrs now I will have to. But if I do, the last thing I need is to be criticized for it.

Again, each child is different. There is no way we can judge any parent for doing what they do, as long as it is a form a discipline. There are extremes and no I do not agree with those. No child should be beaten until black and blue, that is totally unacceptable in ANY circumstance. When someone tries to even say that I am "doing it wrong" I give them a simple answer. Tell me this in 20 yrs, if my kid is in jail, a druggie, prostitute, etc etc THEN tell me I did it wrong, I will gladly accept it.

So if anyone reading this, falls into that category, next time please think of how ridiculous you will look when the child of those whom you judged, are better off than yours. The goal is, that your child, my child and their child all become productive members of society, no matter how we do it. There is no "right" way to reach the goal, as long as they reach it, with a smile on their face. :)

When its time...

Today, I participated for a little bit in my first twitter party. I was about potty training. Anyway, it just got me thinking about Denisse and how she has done stuff at her own time, and how I worry because I think she's not going to be at level with the rest of her kids her age, and how she always proves me wrong.

Starting from the time she would be born. No, she wasn't going to be forced to come out, with one kick she broke my water 45 min before I was to be induced.  Then, with the potty training. She was almost four before she would actually poo in the pot. The pressures of Day Cares, family and friends didn't help, but there she went, just in time to start preschool.

I think the Selective Mute issue was the hardest of our life struggles we have had to accomplish and overcome so far. It really worried me, not only because it could affect her academically, I was worried that if something happened to her, she wouldn't tell her teachers or anyone. Denisse proved me wrong, surely enough when she was ready, she slowly came out of her shell. We have gotten to the point where she is now speaking when she is spoken to. Yes she looks a little nervous, but she engages, way more than what she used to. She is even speaking to her little friends at school.

Then, today, once again she taught me, that its not when Me, her father, society or anyone else for that matter wants something to happen, it'll happen when it's time.  She came back from swimming with the big news that she can now swim, independently for a short distance. Yes, the baby that grew into a little girl without ever putting her head in the water, is now able to swim. Even washing her hair was a huge struggle, she would literally panic when she felt water on her face, lose control.

So, here I am, so proud and happy. This is a fun journey, parenting, you have your ups and downs but in the end its always satisfying to watch how your child accomplished something. So, just remember, things will happen, not when we want them to, but when its time. :)

My friend Sarah

I have a friend. Her name is Sarah. I actually have a book started about her. We met when I worked at The Foot &Ankle Center, in Richmond, VA. She joined us when I had been there about a year and a half. When I first saw her, I thought we weren't going to get along. She was very nice, but nice people make me nervous. I don't know why, but they do. Little by little we became really good friends.

I don't  think I have met anyone like her. She is so mild. Now that I think about it, Denisse is kind of like her. Always smiling, happy, and just a great person to be around. She opened the doors to her home on various occasions, for BBQs, get togethers and what not. She even babysat my sick child so I could go and have an adult birthday dinner.

I remember her fondly and wish I could see her more often. I wish she could see how much Denisse has grown. I wish Denisse could have her in her life. She accepted me, just as I am. Never tried to change me, and even put up with me at my worse time. Even though her and I don't talk much she is always in my heart and I remember her fondly.

Today is her birthday. I truly hope she enjoys it with her family and friends. I wish I could be with her, give her a happy birthday hug and have a drink. I can't. I just want her to know that I love her and will always be grateful for having had her in my life when I did.

Happy Birthday...My friend Sarah!!!

New Perspectives ...

So, I have been living with a "broken" ankle for a few weeks now. It wasn't until yesterday, however, that I was told to stay off of it, and rest. Even though I knew "stopping" my life would be difficult , I didn't imagine how hard such a simple task, like taking a shower, could be.  So there I was, standing on the side of the shower, wondering how I was going to manage. Then it hit me. Hundreds if not thousands of people with MAJOR disabilities do it every day with little or no help at all, why couldn't I? So, la soque, and managed to take a shower.

Then I started thinking of all these women with disabilities, sometimes single parents, and their everyday struggles. Small things, like pouring milk can be so complicated, yet they do it, with a smile on their face, because they have been doing it all their life. So many times have I said, I can't to something for no other reason than, I am just tired, unbelievable. Not only myself, many times I read or hear women complain about something involving their kids just because its inconvenient for them. Even helping them brush their teeth, turns into this big event, because it interrupts whatever it is they're doing. I felt ashamed of myself.

Next time, the words "I can't do that" cross my mind, I am going to think of a good reason why, and I also intend on doing it with my child. There really isn't a good reason one can't do something, if you set your minds to it. Especially if its being done by so many people, with less resources, help or even motivation than us. No, we are not rich, and may not live in a fancy house, but we have 2 hands. 2 feet, and all our mental capacity, more than some people can say, yet they are living their lives to the fullest and accomplishing their dreams. The words "I can't, its too hard" shouldn't exist in our vocabulary.

So, maybe next time your child or even yourself back down from doing something, think of why you really aren't doing it. New things are scary, change is scary, but there is nothing more rewarding than accomplishing something you once thought you couldn't do. So lets go out there and show the world what we CAN do, instead of what we tell ourselves we can't. :)