The above pic is from D's 9th b-day party. Those two little kids are her best friends. The boy, has been her friend since 1st grade. They are now in 4th, and he lives in Tracy. He actually came down for her b-day. That is awesome. Those are the type of friends I want my kid to have. Long Lasting, no matter, time apart or distance. They have that bond. I didn't have that. I don't have a childhood friend. The closest thing I have to that was my best friend in H.S. I haven't talked to her in over 7 years and even then its been forever before. Once I moved away I let it go. I am a bad friend. I have always said that. While the friendship is constant, present I am the best friend a person can have. I will bend over backwards for you.
Once there is some type of distance, I am quick to let it go. It may be, that during that time we didn't have all the technology that we have today to keep in contact, but still, I could've tried harder. I didn't. I don't know why I am like that. Why I turn away from people that have showed me that they are the best people, I turn away like nothing. Yet I tend to have a hard time detaching from people that hurt me, eventually I do though, the process is just painful.
Anyway... I can not believe how far that little girl has come. She is blossoming into this beautiful human being. Loving, caring and just all around happy. Her happiness is why I have and will sacrifice myself for her. Even if at the end, she prefers her father, even if I miss out on a lot of her things. There is one thing that she will always know. That I love her. I tell her, every day, multiple times. I tell her and I show her, when we snuggle in bed and she tells me about her day. When she is sick and I comfort her. I hope that when she grows older she will look back and remember those times.
I know I can be tough on her, but she needs to learn. Nobody seems to realize that she needs to learn. Yes, I am strict, and will continue to love her and guide her. Sounds cliche, but she will appreciate it. I just wish I could spend more time with her, but its not possible, I keep telling myself quality over quantity. Hopefully she sees it that way.. meanwhile.. she is still growing..
...chelitta
