Thriving and Struggling

Denisse has an issue, if you've been keeping up you know Ive mentioned it a couple of times, but not really getting into it...well I think I need to vent maybe some one will read this and give me some ideas...if not ..at least I vented.

Denisse has what they call Selective Mutism, they say its related to anxiety. I believe that. Thankfully even before knowing what was wrong I never pressured her to do anything an always allowed her to do everything at her own pace.

She has probably had it for a long time, but we always mistook it with shyness. It wasn't until last year in preschool when we were called for a conference that we figured it out. Her teachers said that she would not speak with them or the other kids.  This was strange to us because she has been in daycare since she was 8 weeks old.  So as any concerned parent I emailed her doctor and her doctor referred her to a therapist. Well we went to her for a few sessions, unfortunately due to financial reasons we weren't able to continue. We were given so many solutions to try, but none of them worked. Eventually both her dad and I tried and still she was resisting.

She finally started kindergarten and the same thing, her teacher was concerned. So we had a interdisciplinary type meeting with the school psychologist, speech pathologist, her teacher her dad and I and another teacher. What did the teacher have to say: "Denisse may very well be ready for 1st grade level, but since we cant evaluate her we cant move her up".  See Denisse has been reading at a 1st grade level for over a year, her math is between 1st and 2nd grade, she is a smart kid, but she is holding herself back.  The teacher said that well if it weren't because Denisse is smart she would probably be very behind. So we all decided to stick to the plan of not pressuring her but offering her other ways to communicate without her thinking that she doesn't ever have to talk.

Now..everything was fine and dandy until last week when I got a note from her teacher saying that she (Denisse) didn't want to do her work and she actually lipped, not spoke, but lipped the words "I don't want to" when her teacher asked her why she didn't want to do her work. That's a step forward but still I was upset, I started panicking in my insides saying oh geez if she gets discouraged from school that's it for her. So I sat down and talked to her and asked her why she didn't want to do her work. she responded...Mommy, its not that I don't want to do it, its just that I'm bored, its the same thing over and over again, I write I finish then she gives me more work when I'm done and the other kids don't hurry...so basically she is bored.

I cant do anything about this. I told her that until she doesn't talk to her teachers everything will be the same...they cant say she is advanced even though they all know she is because they cant prove it on paper...I feel stuck and like a useless mother...I blame myself, if I had more time with her, if I hadn't started work to early stuff like that ...I know its not my fault ..but I just wish I knew what to do ...

*sigh*

I am posting a couple videos of her reading that were taken today so you guys can see how frustrating it is for her to read like this and not be able to show it off....:(

Faceing Reality

WOW!!!

Its been a while...sorry ..got distracted by..well reality...

Denisse is doing great! Well considering she is has  been officially diagnosed with Selective Mutism, she is not struggling in school, in fact if it weren't for her little issue she would be probably be in first grade. She has one friend as she did last year, her name is Sabrina, very nice little girl and her mom is nice too.

Denisse, her father and I went to Disneyland for her 5th birthday...she had a blast, it was a fun trip but for the second year in a row she got sick on our way back.

Prior to our trip, we had a HUGE scare with her health, she was admitted to the hospital with Meningitis, luckily it was Viral and we were there only for 3 days. It started with her complaining of a headache for a couple days and then one day when she came home from school, her dad texted me saying that she had fallen asleep when she came home. Denisse has not taken a nap since she turned 1, so I knew something was wrong, she had fallen at school a couple days before, that the headaches and now her lethargy made me think head injury. I have had a huge issue with Kaiser hospitals but THANKFULLY I had a very competent ER doc that quickly thought it was meningitis, the next day Denisse woke up OK but quickly deteriorated and spent the rest of the day with her temp spiking, she had fluids and IV antibiotic as prophylaxis...it was very scary. ..she has since then been fine with a couple flare ups of her GERD.

As for me...well...*sigh*...I have officially filed for bankruptcy...A one house income plus all the other bills and previous debt was too much, it was very painful to realize that I could no longer do it, the day before filing I cried the whole day, felt useless and just plain awful, the day of I was OK ..and the day after like nothing....

Unfortunately that is just the beginning, I have a whole lot of past due bills, and will be struggling for a few months...to be honest I had to sell a gold bracelet and a ring to get money for groceries this week...its embarrassing to admit, BUT I know I am not the only one out there in this situation and not talking about it and pretending its not helping anyone...I cant sit here and just write when everything is peachy and perfect...Those who know me ..know that everything is upfront..the good, the bad and the ugly...Now some of you may be asking what about her dad? Well he just completed his AA in Business Programming and well there are no jobs out  there, so he has been applying everywhere with no luck...He will be moving back in temporarily as he doesn't have financial aid anymore since he is not going to school, so he cant pay for the room he was staying in. I suggested he go back to school for his BS, which he would get in 2 years, yes I know I'm too good, but I am thinking of the future as well, if he has a better job my daughter will be better off. He declined and said that he will consider it later but he needs to feel useful...

It was hard to explain to Denisse that this was only for "a little bit" and that daddy will not be staying forever...Even when he lived here I never really saw him and I can't be a fucked up person. It will be like before, like roommates, he will have his life I will have mine.

Well.. that's the brief recap of the past 6 months...I will try to keep you guys updated and posted...but I just lose inspiration at times....