Lonely...

This is a more personal entry. I have been wondering lately, if there is anyone out there for me. Not that I need the added stress that a relationship brings to ones life, but I would like to at least have someone to lean on.

I wonder, how some women, go years with no significant relationship in their lives. The casual date here and there or even a casual encounter in a remote hotel. I was kind of opened to that idea at first, but after many failed attempts, thanks to my very own jiminy cricket, I decided that not only did I need something more, but that I deserved it. Yet, here I am wondering if that is actually the way to go.

Men these days, expect women to be more open, more liberal and well, motherhood has made me somewhat old fashioned. To me, sex isn't everything, while its very nice to have it, I don't feel I need it like I used to. I need emotional sex. I need something that will arouse my interest, that will satisfy me intellectually, that will make my emotions explode just by thinking of him. Unfortunately there are very few men, if any that are willing to provide that.

I have noticed that even the older male, acts like an adolescent when it comes to dating. This isn't their fault, women have allowed for this to happen. Women that look at men like the answer to their problems, that look at the size of a mans wallet before the size of his heart. So, there men go, buying an expensive car, wearing expensive clothes, catering to these women's expensive tastes etc. Of course this all comes with a price, that many woman are willing to pay, sex has just become so casual.

I also think of my daughter, and the example that I have to set for her. As I have always said, I want her to be a strong woman. How can she be that, if she doesn't have a clear example of what that should be? But is needing to "be" with someone a sign of weakness? I don't want her to think that she needs to accomplish everything on her own, I want her to know that its OK to want to feel wanted, and loved. At the same time, I don't want her thinking that she needs to be with anyone, some people break the mold and actually do better alone.

As the years go by, I lose hope of ever finding that one person that will not only fit perfectly in my life, but feels I do the same in his. So maybe, in the meantime, I will continue to feel lonely, in silence.