Cyber Bullying Hits Home.

As a chubby person, ok lets just say it fat, and not so good looking, I have been used to being picked on as a kid and maybe every now and then in High School, its nothing new to me. However, at almost 34 I never thought it would happen again, and for the pettiest of reasons, by grown women younger and older than I.

I can understand kids to some extent, some don't know any better, some get it from their parents or other family members, but when this type of harassment comes from adults it just baffles me. Especially when I look at the reason.  I have a guy friend. We have been friends for a couple of years. Our friendship has blossomed  to the point that he has become very close and I consider him almost as family, for me its very hard to open up to people, and there is only one other person I feel like this about, she know who she is (Hi Chiflis!). Its just that, a friendship, him and I have never crossed any lines don't have any hidden agendas, it is a pure platonic relationship. I know it is hard for people to believe and maybe understand that, but that's just how it is and this post is  not about explaining it so that will be the extent of it.

At the beginning everything was fine, gradually I started noticing request from various people (women), I was wondering why the sudden interest in reading my craziness. Eventually I realized the reason. These were women that were also friends of my friend. Still I didn't pay much attention to it, then I noticed that rarely did these people interact with me. So I figured, these were women that potentially were interested in my friend. We took at as a joke, I mean it was pretty harmless.

That started to change, at first it was by comments that were obviously intended for me some were said to me directly some weren't, still I paid no mind. Like I have told my friend, I take it as a compliment, these women which I think are very attractive consider me a potential threat to their possibilities of being with him. I started blocking and doing away with them, I wasn't going to take their stalking so they can use that against me any longer. Left a few behind because they had never really done anything.

Then suddenly, I started getting emails, private messages etc. I will not disclose what they said nor from whom, I will not give those people anymore attention, they do not deserve it. I will say that they were hurtful, to the point that some of them made me cry and at some points doubt my friend. I knew these ladies, if you can call them that, were trying to fill my head with doubts about his intentions, and even his friendship. I knew they wanted to me to stay away from him, and I will not lie, at a point there were times I was going to, just walk away, send an email saying I couldn't be his friend anymore and just end all ties, was it really worth being harassed by these women? That's what I would ask myself over and over, and every time I had decided to stay away, something would happen that made me rethink the whole thing.

Over the past 2 months things got worse. The emails were almost daily, the messages as well, hurtful, sometimes so cruel, I was brought back to my childhood. It made me afraid for my daughter. Not because these people could do anything but because she is in elementary school, and although each day I wish for her to have a good day, I know that one day there will be that mean kid that says something to her, and if she doesn't know how to respond/react to him/her she will become their preferred target. If grown women are able to make another grown woman feel like a child, what will my kid feel like? As an adult, I took all the safe steps, my social media accounts are private, I only interact with people who have shown respect, and made away with those that haven't. Yet here I was facing cruel words and possibly even more. Who do you turn to when you  are 33 years old? Kids can turn to their parents for comfort and support, but when you are an adult?

So, yesterday I took a drastic step, I deleted all of the women, all of them, except those that haven't bothered me in any way or that I consider harmless. No longer will I be their amusement, nor allow them to fill my head with doubts. If my friend really turns out to be what they say, I will take the risk of learning that on my own, however to this day he hasn't done anything that would make me doubt his friendship, nor do I think I should be reminded of my not so good looks.

I believe these women, will read this, it is in their hearts to know every step of my life, they will try to somehow keep tabs etc. Well, all I can say to them is get a life. A real one, get off of your computer, phone, tablet etc. and go out there, live life. Leave me alone. I am no threat to you, your own insecurities are. Get over them.

After experiencing this I am more motivated to speak to my child, to have her embrace herself so that when people do try to bring her down, she loves herself enough to know that people only say hurtful things because they are not happy with who they are, what they look like. I hope I can do this, to me my daughter is beautiful and smart, but of course I am her mother, there will be people that will not think this, and we will be ready for them.