My kiddo, we spent 3 weeks her and I in El Salvador. At first she was homesick, missing her father and that made me sad, but quickly realized I can not get upset at that. She is a daddy's girl. I have always said that I can not complain about him in that sense. He as been the best father he can be for her, yeah he has his moments, but so have I. We have never been parents so we both are learning. Passed the first few days she was OK, and I feel we connected more.
I rarely have time for her like I wish I did. She is too small to understand that still, but she is voicing her needs now, and I am proud of that. That is something that I couldn't do that with my mom. She told me I "yell" at her too much. Which is kind of true, so that is something that I have to work on. Other than that she made me feel like so far, I have done a good job. We are both childish and we can be goofy and she is so loving.
She bleeds love. I like that. She does not have an ounce of "hate" in her. I like that. She sees everyone as her equal, she does not notice a persons skin color. We need to work on her being more appreciative of her things though. She misplaces them and often says "you can get me another". So she thinks it is easy for us to do so. The trip helped her with that though, she saw poverty and realized that things for people don't come easy.
She is beginning to develop and that is the scary thing. To me, she is this beautiful being, inside and out. She is starting to voice her clothing preferences and has asked for lip gloss because "girls like makeup". I am in trouble. I don't know how I will handle that. We are growing together, and even though I am a realistic person, I don't want her to go through things on her own or think she cant talk to me about them, because she can. I mean, it isn't gonna be comfortable hearing how she is having sex or how she needs to go get on the pill or get condoms, but as a responsible parent, I want her to know that I will take her to get those. I rather she ask me, than get misinformed by her friends.
I also hope she doesn't have a drug or alcohol curiosity, but again realistically its a possibility and I want to know. Hopefully though she has watched and heard enough bad things about them for her to not want to do it. But, if its true that Karma is a bitch, she will want to.
Co-parenting sucks. Especially when you don't agree on some things. We are all growing. We are growing ... we are going through these pains together... as it should be... Our daughter will never feel unloved, she will never have to decide between both of us... we are here for her and we both realize that we are connected forever because of her.. and we will set aside all our differences to provide and make her world the best that we can make it...
She is with her father right now... and I miss her silliness. I miss how she makes me feel its OK to have fun and smile.... I love my princess...
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